#you're a comedic genius

[yangjeongin]

hyun.ear's holiday

[ermingarden]

So, first of all, I'm never going to be able to look at a thinkpad again without wanting to laugh - thanks?

Second, this got me really curious, and it looks like the original thinkpad had the clitoris (whose legal name is apparently the "TrackPoint") but did not yet have a trackpad like a modern laptop, so the clit was the only way to control the cursor. So when they eventually added a trackpad, people were already used to the clit...and as residents of a website where people get hopping mad when the background is changed to a different shade of blue, we know how much people love change!

The company does also note that you can control the cursor with the clit without taking your fingers off the home row of the keyboard, which I suppose might be an advantage in some situations, although I think it would take a lot of dedicated practice with the clit to develop that kind of dexterity.

Honestly, at this point I would guess it's mostly there for branding purposes, making thinkpads visually distinct. Because it does just control the cursor.

can anyone explain to me whats the purpose of the thinkpad clitoris

[another-delta-lover]

HELP I'M DYING AHSGADJAHD I CAN'T BREATHE***** I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS HOLY FUCK ASHHGDABHSAJHSDAGD

SORRYYY MY BAADDDD I LOWKEY STARTED CRYING THIS IS TOO FUNNYYYYYYY AHASDJAGDIQWOUGHOAS D

I CAN UNFOLLOW IF U WANT ME TO IM SORRY AHEAGJSAEHGA 😭😭😭I CAN'T BREATHHHEEEE

[abugidaithink]

using a door to mine underwater should be called "breaking and entering" let's be honest

[italiantea]

hello dearest mutual. I am waving at you from the shadow realm. it's so dark in here. if I could I would give u cards from the sidelines to support your duel. (you realize they're all off brand pokemon cards but it's the thought that counts.)

anyway unfortunately im the kind of guy who listens to the same thing every day for months on end so I can't say I've branched out to new taiwanese indie bands :///

one band I've found through a collab with vast & hazy is mary see the future

particularly this song

(disclaimer: I have not listened to many of their songs. I won't sit here and be a fake fan. but hey it's a pretty cool song)

as for taiwanese artists in general, I'd point you towards ?te, whom I can only describe as cool sexy faceless lady with a Very big hat. she does multilingual R&B. very chill and groovy. and sexy. did I mention she dropped out of med school and made a song titled fuck in italian? she's so cool

and lastly for underrated music I'd like to plug this song demo, recently featured in an Adam Neely music critique video. incredibly talented, Vibes off the charts.

[fvrsaeken]

hence the chicken

[hotcupoteckla]

I really hate it when people try to "correct" the song Ironic, because No it wasn't "Ironic" but now you've fucking missed the irony present, you utterly rusted tool.

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

Spider and Bat Snippets!

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Spider!(Y/N): Oh! Yeah, Batman is the second funiest guy I know.

Batmam: (Slowly blinking.)

Spider!(Y/N): See! A comedic genius!

Flash: Who's the first?

Spider!(Y/N): My nieghbor, Frank!

-

"I'm just so worried how to ask them.." "

Frowning in thought, you glance at the crowd of prestige and wealth. Frank sighs gloomily, adjusting his bow-tie, the fun color matching your outfit.

"Well, I'll show so you don't have to worry! I'll ask someone out right now!" You huff courageously.

"(Y/N)-!" Frank whines at you. Tugging at your arm quickly so you wouldn't do something so idiotic. But you resisted! Skipping around the vast ballroom with your buddy trailing behind.

The Wayne heir, overhearing the discussion, straightens his back slightly. Scaning over his suit in case of any stains from the wine glass he held. Finding none, he smirks, readying himself for your pursuit.

Hearing your excited footsteps, he sips his wine casually. Acting non-chalant as he was, "Brucie Wayne" tonight.

"Excuse me, hello!" You chirp.

Slowly turning around, lips kissing the rim of his glass. He grined-

You pass him by easily, walking over to a grumpy older gentleman. "Would you wanna' go out some time?" You questioned.

The man sneers, looking you up and down. Scoffing at your display of obliviousness. "I'd rather not, young lady." He snipped distastefully, as his friends chuckled snootily. "I have better.. Investments, who are more poised and respectable than your imbecile nature." He huffed, storming off as his lackys followed.

Frank walks to your side, worriedly checking your expression.

Blinking, you frown, glancing at your friend. "Hm. Well, that's not a good example... Sorry Frank." You state with a good-natured shrug.

"Augh... That was more embarrssing than-Than.. Oh! I don't even know!" Franks drags you along to the food table. Chiding you for your antics while you nod along, grabbing a few tiny cakes from the dessert table.

"Excuse me? Miss." A composed and charming voice breaks through your friends rant.

Turning around, you stare at the newcommer.

"I couldn't help but overhear-"

"Cupcake?"

You offer a plate, holding the tasty pastry out to him politely.

Taking it in stride, his fingers linger around your wrist as he acepts the item. "Thank you."

You beam, a gummy smile on your lips as you nod. Turning away from him, attention back on your friend.

"Don't worry Frank, I, may not as good at flirting..." You pause, grabbing another cupcake, offering one to the unknown man beside you. He smiles sweetly, wordlessly thanking you.

You grab a tasty cream puff for yourself.

"...But?"

"Hm? Oh... Right! You'll be better at it than I am! For sure." Stuffing the treat down your throat, you take Franks arm and walk away.

"...." Eye slighty twitching at the encounter, Bruce sips his wine. Glancing at the two little treats that sat on his plate.

-

"B? What's wrong?" Fretting over him was a common thing for you at this point. While you trusted him more than anyone should. You still were a nosy spider.

"B..?" You tag at his cape, before crawling on his shoulders.

"B!" You lean your head over him. Watching him lower his head back to his bat-communicator. Biting your lip, you huff at him.

"Batsy?" That earned you a pinch on your calves.

"OW-ch! Hey!?" You grumble, barely keeping yourself afloat on his back. Leaning back and forth unsteadily until you grabbed his cowls ears.

"Phew~..." You let out a sigh of relief as you hear your partner grunt. "You're the one giving me the silent treatment on patrol." You grumble quietly, pulling at his cowl with a harsh tug as he smacked your hand away.

"Hey, B?"

"..."

"... I like you too B." You smile, as you hear him scoff. Giggling, you adjust yourself, taking out your web shooter. "You're amazing! Spectacular, even!" You hop off him and walk forward. Shooting out a web, you watch him stalk forward. Gazing farway as you notice the Bat-Burger ad.

"Huh!? No way.. Your serious?" You squeak out, jittering in place as he silently nods.

"Okay-! Yes! Oh, we should probably get Robin some food too!" You ramble as your partner takes out his bat-grapling hook. You shoot out a web and dash forward, jumping high as your web rockets yourself forward.

-

[Just a silly thing I wanted to post since I haven't wrote in a bit! I made this a while back, if you guys like the series let me know! Comments, Reblogs, fan art whatever is always Appreciated.]

[im-a-chunky-potato]

😃😃😃

Truer words have never been spoken:

That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!You have twenty-three hours before the piss D R O P L E T S hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Hshsjshhd if you don't know what this is from I'm sorry

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhh

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

i used to steal your posts to use as my facebook statuses when i was 14 and everyone thought i was a comedic genius and it stopped me getting bullied so thank you for that

endorsed. and you're welcome

[libraryofgage]

Addams Family Steddie AU Part 3

Part One | Part Two

To preface, a bitch is sick rn so if you see any typos, no you didn't lol

"Robin, this is serious."

Steve can perfectly see Robin rolling her eyes through the phone as she says, "Oh, right, I'm so sorry your fiance-to-be is the perfect boyfriend who takes you on wonderful dates and romances you every single second you're together."

"I'm starting to think you're jealous."

"I'd only be jealous if Eddie had tits."

"He'd probably get some if I asked."

In the silence that follows, Steve can imagine Robin's scrunched face: her crinkled nose and curled lips and generally disgusted eyebrow furrow. He counts down from six in his head and then mouths along as Robin says, "I'd hang up if I weren't so invested in your love life."

"For someone so invested, you're not helping."

He hears a put-upon sigh through the speaker and returns it with a sigh of his own. Steve gives up on sitting properly and collapses back onto his bed, staring at the unmoving ceiling fan Hulyet is currently hanging from to nap.

"Fine, fine, what's the actual problem again?" Robin asks, her question followed by the sound of her shutting a book (one of her science textbooks based on the sound it makes when closing) so she can give Steve her full attention.

"Eddie is always planning our dates, and they're always really good, right? So I want to plan a date in return, but I have no clue how to plan something we'll both equally enjoy. In fact, I have no clue how Eddie plans our dates in the first place."

"Just start with something he likes and try to find something you'll like in it."

"Okay, say it again, but pretend I'm five."

Robin sighs again, and Steve hears the creaking of her bed as she collapses onto it. "Okay, the last date he planned, it was a hockey game, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, you like sports. Hockey is an obvious jump from there, but was Eddie also having fun at the game?"

Steve hums, reviewing their date from the week before. He hadn't expected Eddie to pull out hockey tickets, but he'd looked forward to it nonetheless. The game itself was fun, and the rink was cold enough that Steve had been able to scoot closer to Eddie and complain about being chilly.

Of course, Eddie's immediate response was to pull out a lighter, open it, and flick a flame to life while asking, "How big of a fire do you want, Stevie?"

For a brief moment, Steve had considered the question. But then he'd realized a fire would disrupt the hockey game, so they probably shouldn't start one.

After grabbing the lighter and stuffing it into his own pocket, Steve leaned closer and whispered, "Wouldn't you rather put your arm around me?" Eddie had lit up, and his smile was wide enough to make Steve feel blinded as he wrapped an arm around Steve's waist and pulled him closer.

It had been wonderful and romantic, right up until both of them got way too into the game and completely forgot about cuddling in favor of shouting at the players to hit harder and actually draw some blood to get the puck.

Steve smiles a little at the memory. "Yeah, he enjoyed the violence."

"Well, we all enjoy seeing buff people get a little bloody," Robin says, and Steve can see the way she's nodding like a wise man. "Anyway, he probably knew he'd enjoy the whole violence part of the sport. So, follow that formula."

"What formula are you seeing here?"

"Thing fiance-to-be likes plus a small part of it you could probably enjoy equals romance. If that's too hard, just get him a gift and plan the date around that."

Well, it sounds easy when she says it like that. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because I'm the genius here, obviously. Now go plan a date so you can tell me all about it later. And I expect details, Steven. Sordid details. If I'm not quivering in my bodice, what's the fucking point."

"You don't even have a bodice. And my name isn't Steven."

"I'll get one, and your name is whatever's comedically appropriate."

"I found a good website for bodices and corsets, actually. I can send it to you."

"What are you doing on that website, Steve?" Robin asks, her voice light and eager.

Steve smirks, pulling the phone away from his ear and saying, "Wouldn't you like to know," before quickly hanging up. The phone stays silent for three whole seconds before Robin immediately calls back, but Steve is too busy laughing to actually pick up.

Part of why the Munsons moved to Steve's neighborhood is the cemetery within walking distance. The cemetery is at the very back of the neighborhood, hidden from people who don't actually live there. The front of the cemetery is perfectly presentable. The gravestones are clean and new, and flowers decorate most graves while others hold pebbles and stones of various sizes and colors.

The back of the cemetery, however, is a Munson paradise. The grass gives way to brown, under-watered weeds and dirt, the faded gravestones are covered in moss and plants climbing them, and the trees are perpetually leafless and spindly to create the perfect horror movie atmosphere. It was like that even before the Munsons moved to the neighborhood, but Steve doesn't actually know why.

The back of the cemetery is where Steve leads Eddie, occasionally looking back to make sure the blindfold covering Eddie's eyes is still in place. "You know, I was expecting more than walking when you pulled out the blindfold," Eddie says, squeezing Steve's hand.

"We're almost there," Steve promises, looking around them until he spots the picnic blanket and pillows he'd laid down earlier in front of a blank gravestone. There's a small projector on the edge of the blanket, facing the wall of a mausoleum, with a DVD player connected to it.

Steve stops at the edge of the blanket, takes a deep breath, and moves to stand in front of Eddie. "Okay," he says, reaching up and carefully pulling off the blindfold.

When it comes off, Eddie looks straight at Steve, not sparing a glance at the set-up behind him. "Are you the surprise?" he asks, sliding his hands around Steve's hips and pulling him closer.

"I'm not much of a surprise," Steve points out.

"You're the best gift I could ask for," Eddie says, sealing the words with a kiss that would be too easy for Steve to get lost in.

And he almost does, but he pulls away before Eddie's tongue can get too far into his mouth. "No, wait, you haven't seen the actual surprise," he mumbles, putting a few inches between them and gesturing to the picnic blanket.

Eddie's eyes light up, and he pulls Steve to the blanket. He sits against the headstone and tugs Steve down next to him. "Movie date in a graveyard? Very romantic, sweetheart," Eddie says, leaning close and kissing Steve's jaw.

"Well, that's not the whole surprise," Steve replies, leaning his head on Eddie's shoulder. He hears a quiet hum from above him and adds, "This is our spot."

"What? Like a make-out spot? We gonna sneak out in the middle of the night to make out right here twice a week?"

"Only twice?" Steve asks, his voice teasing as he tilts his head back to see Eddie smile. He doesn't give Eddie the chance to answer, though. Instead, he takes Eddie's hand and plays with his engaged-to-be-engaged ring. "I mean, this is our spot. We're leaning on our gravestone."

A few seconds pass before Eddie seems to actually process the words. When he does, he straightens up, tugging Steve away from the gravestone with him so he can see it. "Is this...a couple's plot?" he asks, his eyes wide as he looks from the stone to Steve.

Steve flushes, heat rising in his cheeks as he looks away. He takes a deep breath, deciding to just verbalize his thought process when he'd bought the plot. "I figured, well, we wouldn't want to be apart even in death. So we'll be buried together, you know? Our corpses will be embracing as we rot for eternity, becoming skeletons and dust that will only know each other."

The words are followed by silence, making Steve wonder if he somehow fucked up with his gift. He braces himself and glances up at Eddie to ask if he doesn't like it only to be pushed back on the blanket. Steve blinks, his brain barely catching up as Eddie kisses him. This is, by far, the most desperate kiss Steve has ever received from Eddie. It's a kiss that's practically begging Steve to give Eddie permission to swallow him whole, tuck him securely into the marrow of his bones, and hold him there so they'll never be apart.

Steve is a little confused, but he's far more interested in kissing back, sliding his fingers into Eddie's hair and tugging playfully as he bites Eddie's tongue. A rough growl in response sends shivers down Steve's spine, goosebumps spreading across his arms as Eddie pushes his hands under Steve's shirt.

Surprisingly warm fingers trail across Steve's abdomen before Eddie's hands settle on his hips, his pinkies teasingly pushing past the waistband of his jeans. Steve sighs softly, relaxing at the familiar sensation as he hooks one of his legs over Eddie's waist, pulling him close until their hips and chests are flush against each other.

Eddie grins against Steve's lips, his left hand trailing down Steve's waist to rest on his thigh, holding it in place as he teasingly grinds their hips together. Steve jolts, a surprised, quiet moan escaping him as his hands start to tremble with adrenaline and...well, sheer horniness if he's being honest.

"Please tell me we can fuck on our future grave," Eddie says, his voice low and husky as he speaks against Steve's lips.

Steve groans, fully agreeable to the idea only to realize two very important things. One, he doesn't have any lube, and two, he was actually looking forward to watching movies with Eddie, which wouldn't really happen if they got too distracted. Plus, you know, the whole sex in public thing, but that's not as big of a deal. Who's going to be visiting the cemetery on a Wednesday?

But Steve doesn't want to completely dash Eddie's hopes and the sheer joy in his eyes at the idea, so he presses another kiss to his lips and promises, "Later, Eddie."

Despite his disappointed expression, Eddie doesn't argue. He just sits up, pulling Steve with him so he stays in his lap. "I'll hold you to that, sweetheart," he whispers, kissing down Steve's neck until he reaches the point where it meets his shoulder. He bites down there, causing Steve to inhale sharply as he licks and sucks a hickey onto his skin.

Steve shakily exhales, biting his bottom lip to keep himself grounded. When it feels like Eddie is about to start on another hickey, Steve uses his grip on his hair to pull him back. "Stevie," Eddie breathes, his eyes dark as he looks up at him, "you know what pulling does to me."

Steve snorts, kisses his cheek, and climbs off his lap. "Keep it in your pants for now, babe. I actually want to get to the other part of this date," he says, moving over to the projector.

"And what's that?" Eddie asks.

"Classic monster movies," Steve says, grinning at the excited gasp that comes from Eddie as he turns on the projector. Once it boots up, the mausoleum wall shows the opening menu for a Monster Movie Collection DVD. Steve puts on Frankenstein, making sure the movie actually starts and the opening credits begin rolling before climbing back into Eddie's lap.

"I love you so fucking much," Eddie says, wrapping his arms around Steve's waist and hugging him close as he rests his chin on Steve's shoulder.

Steve grins, leaning back against him and idly playing with one of the rings on Eddie's fingers. "I love you, too. Now shut up and watch the movie. No more making out until at least this one is over."

"Yes, sir."

Steve can't help a soft laugh. He takes Eddie's hand, raises it to his lips, and playfully bites his palm before lacing their fingers together and focusing on the movie.

Tag List: @estrellami-1, @justforthedead89, @starman-jpg, @abstractnaturaldisaster, @sugartin, @ashwagandalf, @xjessicafaithx, If anyone else wants to be tagged in potential future parts, just let me know!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

*pats mic* *screeching feedback* HI MAGGOTS WE ARE SO BACK

I know it's been a fuckall month for everyone, and I hope the victims are doing okay and healing, and I am sending all the love to you and as Good Omens Mascot here is what I say: Don't let the world take away something that makes you happy. Engage with it critically and mindfully sure but don't feel guilty for wanting that one safe space you had. Because the people of the community are still lovely, this fandom is still home to so many amazing folks, and hang in there. And you are allowed to feel grief, or anger, or confusion. It's not selfish to feel emotions, it's human. Take care of yourselves, first.

I love you. Anyone who shames you for having loved a show and invalidates your emotions will get their vertebrae eaten by me.

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A LITTLE HUMOUR IN OUR LIVES SO. When I was in high school I had a total of two jokes. You now have the privilege of hearing them.

1. Frogs say ribbit. What does a negative exponent say?

...flippit.

2. What does the brain say before the exam?

...I'm nervous.

You're welcome I know I'm a once in a life comedic genius and this hellsite was dead without me tooooootally.

I LOVE YOU (also college starts day after tomorrow I am fucked but dont worry about that)

[adeptune01]

*over patrol headsets*

Tim: The most cringe board game is obviously "Sorry!"- what are you apologizing for? Your weakness?

Steph: No it's "Monopoly" 'cause it tells you the only way to win in capitalism is by cheating!

Duke: Just because you cheat at everything doesn't mean everybody else does. You're all letting "Scrabble" off easy- it's Nerd: The Game.

Jason: Don't you dare disrespect "Scrabble" only idiots don't like it. "Apples to Apples" clearly wins dumbest game because some people don't appreciate comedic genius.

Damian: "Clue" is the worst.

Dick: Don't you love murder mysteries?

Damian: Hard to imagine a more embarrassing death than being beaten by a candlestick in the spa by someone named Colonel Mustard.

Bruce: Do you all just make things up to argue about?

[theoceansluvr]

Percy Jackson x Surfer! Reader

warnings; none ! author's note; starting to notice how useful my obsession with the beach really is for writing.. thank you Amphitrite for this blessing !! my favorite sport and my favorite boy, literally perfect !

like my marnie biologist reader one, match destined by the Fates !

you probably met on the beach when percy was out at the cabin with his mom and he instantly knew he needed you in is life.

sally was honestly here for it because well, that's how she met Poseidon !

consider it a family meet cute that passes down from generation to generation

you guys collect seashells together ?

personally i'd say for jewelry making but that's up to y'all <9

you teaching percy how to surf and he's automatically good at it !!!

you think he's already done it before be he swears he's never even touched a surfboard before you met

just one of his lovely sea child traits i suppose

MATCHING BOARDS

percy def rides longboard but definitely tried shortboard once and fell into the water

def learned how to wax surfboards just for you !

goes to all your competitions if you compete

he only doesn't show up if it interferes with his swim meets

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT !

he yaps about you to his team all time

like "Oh you're a good swimmer ? Well my partner is even better AND they surf !"

he's hopeless really

has grown so used to the smell of sunscreen at this point he could probably get the exact brand you use based on the scent alone

doesn't want to be in your way while you surf so he just sits in the sand and draws little hearts with your initials

you guys did that one trend where people find rocks on the beach that match their partners eye colors

you know the one

he learned how to wrap stones just so you guys could wear them as necklaces

(need someone like him so bad)

cruel summer coded relationship may i say ?

when you're just chillin' on the beach he always talks about how you could totally make it to the Olympics

you take his remarks at face value but it definitely helps with your confidence !

unironically says cowabunga now ??

you don't even use it, probably

he just thinks he's a comedic genius

freaked out a little when you turtle rolled in front of him

(i choked on water the first time so can't even blame the man)

thought you were going to drown then you popped back up and smiled at him like nothing happened

needless to say, that's how he learned that term

your first kiss was probably during sunset or something cheesy like that, sitting on your boards and he just

leans over and kisses you, ignoring the fact you tasted like saltwater because it was you

it's now a little tradition that you kiss before going out <9

ending it here because i can and will ramble about this man and surfing forever and ever😞

[starzwithapen]

⭑˚₊‧° ♢ 𓆩♡𓆪 ♢ °‧₊˚⭑

JOHN DORY / READER ☆ DUET?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

☆summary: Brozone happens to play on the radio, and JD's appalled to find out you're not a fan

☆content: reader is not a pop-troll, reader is gender neutral, lowkey crackfic lmao, established relationship

☆a/n: Silver wrote this one!! And okay we KNOW realistically JD would tell his partner about being in brozone but for the sake of the comedic factor in the fic he's hiding it shshsshshhsbshshsh

⭑˚₊‧° ♢ 𓆩♡𓆪 ♢ °‧₊˚⭑

You'd been sitting in the driver's seat, driving Rhonda around [a rare occurrence, but JD indulged you just this once] while John Dory stirred his sugar into his mug, handing you yours with a kiss to your cheek. You nod at him gratefully, looking down at the buttons spread across in front of you, one of them particularly sticking out to you.

“Woah, wait, I didn't know Rhonda had a radio.”

John Dory leans against the back of your seat, arms wrapped around you from behind, “ehh, I don't use it often in case it scares off all the animals.”

He pokes your arm playfully, eyes glancing out the window, “we're pretty far out, though, should be fine to listen to some tunes.”

You insert a random channel number, turning the volume upwards. This one seems to be a host speaking about the weather, so you switch to the next- sounds like a cheesy pop song of some kind, probably a boy band. You snort at the lyrics- you didn't know anyone could fit that many synonyms of “girl” into one song.

You switch onto the next channel without catching John Dory's wide, shit-eating grin, and the immediate way his face practically crumples apart, “wuh- hey, what's wrong with that last song? It was really good.”

“Okay, I know you're a pop-troll,” you start, trying to find a channel with your preferred music, “but you have to remember I'm not. That stuff hurts my ears.”

John Dory leans backwards, arms crossing around his chest, “Okay, yeah, you don't like pop music, but why that song specifically? I was really jamming out to it, y'know.” He makes that smug smile of his that normally has your cheeks heating, “guy's a lyrical genius if you ask me.”

You stare at him, unimpressed, because he's got to be joking if he thinks that song has deep lyrics.

“JD, he just rhymed baby with baby. Three times in a row. Within the same chorus.”

“Hey, it's hard to think of rhymes that don't throw off the choreo, okay?” He points an accusing finger in your direction before pausing, forcing a nonchalant pose and pursing his lips, “Or- uh, or so I've heard.”

“Yeah, yeah, that's what you pop-trolls always say. I think that guy just needs to pick up a dictionary every once in a while.”

You don't actually care about the song that much, but seeing John Dory get this riled up over it is funny enough for you to go further,

“I bet you I could write a better song by the end of the week than that guy has his whole career.”

John Dory's grin turns wolfish, and oh boy, you should've known better than to try and challenge him, even jokingly,

“Oh you bet, do you? We'll see about that.”

—-------------------

This whole thing was going. Uh. Badly.

Your conversation had escalated into another one of your bets, which you surprisingly lose more often than not, most likely because you bite off more than you can chew. John Dory's unfortunately very aware of this, and throws you bait whenever he can. This time was no different. Winner gets one request for the loser.

You are not a song-writer by any means. You're a troll, yes, trolls sing and dance! But you don't write songs! The most experience you have with rhyming is a shitty poem you made as a teenager that never saw the light of day.

You'd started with listening to more of Brozone's music, and okay, you have to admit, some of their songs were actually really good okay. You'd caught yourself humming them more than once throughout the day, and John Dory always gives you that smug look from your peripherals before leaning in to kiss you senseless. He knew you were coming around to them and it was humiliating, and he was also concerningly elated by it.

While listening you've come to realise the lead singer sounds oddly similar to John Dory, just with a higher pitch and none of that raspiness. Like, freakishly similar. It's had you thinking John Dory's calling for you when he's just sound asleep, and the fact you misheard Brozone's “baby” or “honey” as JD is frankly embarrassing.

You groan and slump against the couch, the pen tumbling out your hand and clattering onto the ground below. Okay, you had to admit, this was really difficult. You were suddenly gaining so much more respect for boy bands.

You'd wanted to use this ridiculous bet as an opportunity to show off, or…even bring you and JD closer together- you know how important music is to him, so getting to write him a love song under the guise of a bet? It's a perfect chance handed to you on a silver platter!

But you just can't seem to think of the words- it's already been a week and so far you've written, what? 4 verses? And they all sucked. You wanted it to mean something- you wanted it to sound poetic and elegant and meaningful all at once, unlike those silly songs on the radio, but it just wouldn't work out!

You muffle a frustrated shout into your hands, pulling them away from your face when you hear footsteps, looking up to see John Dory towering over you.

“You give up yet?” His smile is adorable infuriating to look at, so you cast your gaze aside, huffing and grabbing your pen off the floor.

“No, ‘course not.”

He hums, patient for you to admit defeat, trying to take a peek at your notebook from up above, though you're not too worried since he can't read upside down [or at all, you've come to suspect].

“Okay, fine, I give up. You win.”

John Dory lets out a ‘whoop!’ and throws a fist upwards in celebration, smile so wide you're afraid he'll split his face apart.

You sigh, “Okay, hit me with it, I'm doing the dishes for a full week? Scrubbing Rhonda's windows?”

“Sing a duet with me.”

“This is so unfair, you know I hate doing the dishes- wait- huh?”

John Dory looks at you with a hopeful gleam in his eyes, holding his palm out for you to take, “Sing a duet with me. C'mon, don't think I haven't seen you swaying to my- uh, ahem, Brozone's music the past few days.”

He recovers quickly from his slip-up, tugging you upwards once you take his hand. He carefully starts up his record player, and you're surprised to find you recognise the song immediately, since it'd become a favourite of yours this past week.

“You know this one?” JD grins in your direction, one hand on your waist and the other on your shoulder, his touch gentle yet firm, “think I've heard you hum it a few too many times during breakfast.”

The song starts off slow, as does your dancing, the both of you simply swaying together- you don't exactly…dance often, so your movements are clumsy while his are self-assured.

The lyrics are cheesy, all about young teenage love, but…they make you feel giddy, your steps becoming lighter, your heart fluttering about. And, well, the song may not have deep mind-blowing lyrics, but you think that's the point of it. It's just meant to be fun, have your blood pumping and your heart soaring.

“We're grown adults, this song is for highschoolers.” You say, though your smile is fonder this time. John Dory chuckles and spins you around in his arms, making your head spin in more ways than one, your feet tripping up over his, “C’mon, live a little! Who says we can't be young and free in our mid-thirties?”

You stumble in place, trying to blink the dizziness out your eyes.

“JD, I'm gonna knock you out.” You try your best to grumble, but it only comes out flustered with how hot your cheeks are.

He smirks, twirling you around, “You've already knocked me-” his foot slides under yours, and you fall down into his arms with a yelp as he catches you in a perfect dip- “off my feet.”

Just before you can spew another insult at him for catching you off-gaurd like this, he leans in to kiss you, lips melding against yours sweetly. You melt into it, his arms secured around you so you don't fall, the music fading into background noise in your mind. You know your voice will be hoarse from singing and your muscles sore from dancing by the end of the night, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

⭑˚₊‧° ♢ 𓆩♡𓆪 ♢ °‧₊˚⭑

Would be superr cool if you left feedback if you enjoyed it's super helpful and much appreciated ! this guy is so cringefail I NEED HIM. -silver

[director-yomi-hellsmile]

sorry for taking parkour civilization 100% seriously i thought everybody else did so and turns out like literally almost all the people that watch it do so out of pure irony and i indeed am an outlier for not treating it as a shitpost I see like 978684 different comments about the comedic genius of evbo and I'm like what do you mean I heard the words "i realize it was written in parkour" come out of that man's mouth and thought it was a perfectly plausible concept. I am not locked in too hard actually irony poisoning truly destroyed yalls sense of Enjoying Things like come the fuck on everyone already thinks you're cringe for watching this shit would it kill you to be sincere about one thing for once. you will never survive the winter. pathetic